Has your firewood been embezzled? It could be identity theft. Are the forest’s resources managed? Buy from a trusted source. | Ya wanna get some good wood for real cheap? Well, I know a couple a wiseguys to hook ya up with so ya can get a buncha wood without losing ya shirt. So whatcha gonna do is pull up to this forest here, see, and whistle like ya’re a blue jay, and me an’ Giovanni are gonna come out and put a buncha wood in th’ trunk. Now ya don’t gotta worry ‘bout th’ park ranger or nuthin’, ‘cause my buddy Alfredo gave him a few gifts a couple a years back. Yeah, he’s a real stand-up guy. Now when ya getcha swag, ya gotta go a different way than ya came, see, ‘cause there’s this construction project we’re handlin’ down in the south end, an’ on Thursdays one of the regular cops is there instead of our meat eaters. But once ya get to th’ highway ya’re pretty much home free. Make sure ya keep this on th’ hush hush, ‘cause I’d sure hate to pop a guy like ya.